If Pokemon Could Talk
by Bezo
Summary: A short and mostly harmless featurette, involving the discovery of the 387th Pokemon! Features Ash as an older collector...when he's not got too much left to collect...


If Pokemon Could Talk...  
  
by Bezo The Blue Priest  
  
  
  
Author's Notes: I'm bored again!  
  
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Ash Ketchum sits on the lone rock, his feet dipping into the cool morning water, and sighs wistfully. Pikachu is off   
playfully chasing Snorlax (well, more accurately running in circles around Snorlax) and Ash is glad to have some   
time to himself. Since he caught every Pokemon at least once and trained them all to level 100 (including all of his  
Tauros'), he's finding there's very little to do with himself. And since he's not self-aware enough to figure out her   
romantic overtures, Misty has long since gone off to do whatever it is Misty does. It's all the same to Ash, whose   
impressive collection of battle trophies (Kanto, Johto, Hono, Hojo and Wowo) is second only to his impressive collection   
of Mewtwos. There's only one, and Ash has two. That's how good Ash is.  
  
Suddenly Team Rocket appears, and are very angry about having (at last count) zero Mewtwos, Mews, Celebis, Lugias,  
Zapdos', Entei's or even Dratinis. The rarest Pokemon they have is that level 100 Wobuffet who's only power seems to be  
escaping from it's Pokeball. Pikachu sees the evil Rockets and quickly dispatches them with a Zap Cannon. Ash is getting  
bored. And when main characters to universes get bored, and Bezo the Blue Priest gets bored, something exciting is bound  
to happen.  
  
Ash's Pokeradio (why does everything in this universe have Poke in it? It's enough to poke my eyes out!) starts going   
off about a new, mysterious and very poorly named Pokemon that has recently been seen in the area where he is. It's called  
Number387, even in the Japanese version. It's power is that it can grant to Pokemon the ability to speak. And it's found   
Ash's giant vault full of Pokemon. ZAP!  
  
Let's see what the Pokemon have to say...  
  
"My word, good chap," Charizard begins, "are you going to sit there with your foot in the water all day?"  
  
"Uh...what?" Ash notes absently, ever unaware of his environment.  
  
"We should pop off to Johto for a spot of training..."  
  
"But I beat everyone in Johto."  
  
"Even Bob?"  
  
"Twice. You were even in that battle, remember? I was so bored I used you against his water pokemon and you still won."  
  
"Righto! I had nearly forgotten."  
  
"Charizard...?"  
  
"Yes mate?"  
  
"Are you talking to me?"  
  
"Indeed I am, good sir. Fine bit of company you're being, I might add, by jove..."  
  
"I didn't know you were British."  
  
"Indeed, from fine Briton red dragon stock. My great grandfather ate King Arthur you know."  
  
"Wow..."  
  
"Didn't want to, but he was so worked up about that whole Launcelot nonsense, old great grandpapa couldn't bear it any   
longer and just ate him right up."  
  
"How are you talking?"  
  
"I'm not sure, old chum...but now that I am...how's about we round up the old gang and go have some Pokemon battles!"   
Ash ponders this a moment. Pikachu bounds up and waves cheerfully.  
  
"Hi!" Pikachu greets. The electrical mouse is ignored largely, which results in it pouting a moment, then going back to   
running around Snorlax.  
  
"G'way...sleeping," Snorlax mutters. Ash sighs.  
  
"Charizard, no one will battle me anymore. Even in a six on one battle, I still beat everybody. The sad thing is, any   
one of my Pokemon can beat all of everbody's Pokemon. Even my Bellsprout!" the young boy points to the Bellsprout (Ash   
has creatively named it Bellsprout), who is beating up stray Houndooms who happen near Ash's backpack, and doing so with   
its weakest grass attack. If you're a Houndoom, you know how embarassing that can be. Also, if you're a Houndoom, I'm   
glad to see that the opressive regiments trying to deny evil fire Pokemon internet access have been beaten or at least   
temporarily thwarted.  
  
"I see...what about that Pokemon over there..." Charizard points to Numer387 who's rather content zapping Pokemon into   
being able to talk and not particuarily keen on battling.  
  
"Never seen that Pokemon before..I wonder what it is..." Ash pulls out his Pokedex and points it at the the unknown   
beast.   
  
"Unknown Pokemon...not to be confused with Unown (see entry No. 201)...classifying as Pokemon Number 387. Nothing is   
known about it at present. Catch it maybe."  
  
"Pikachu! I choose.....Mewtwo!" Ash throws his Master Ball into the battle, and Ash's Mewtwo (named Mewtwo) pops out.  
  
"You always choose Mewtwo..." Pikachu sighs, "You used to choose Pikachu...."  
  
"Thanks for letting me out..." Mewtwo nods and promptly flies away.  
  
"Oh wait...it's the OTHER Mewtwo who's friendly with me. That's the Mewtwo that tries to escape everytime I let it   
out...Go Mew! Catch that Mewtwo!" Ash gives the Master Ball to one of his six Mews, who chases after the wayward   
Mewtwo. "Charizard, you wanna battle that Number387?"  
  
"Not particularily. I'd kill it in one shot. You see...being the greatest of all Charizards has made me rather...  
arrogant."  
  
"Wait a minute...didn't you suggest battling?"  
  
"And I suppose that somehow obligates me into fighting myself?"  
  
"Never mind. Bellsprout! Get that Number387!" Ash bellows. The Bellsprout shrugs and throws one of it's Pokeballs   
at the Number387, who swats it away.  
  
"I did what I could," Bellsprout says with another shrug.  
  
"Have all my Pokemon become lazy and complacent?!" Ash wonders to himself. Only one way to find out, he surmises,   
"Pokemon! I choose all of you!"   
  
And with that, all 1,472 of Ash's Pokemon come out of their Pokeballs and look at him in bewilderment. Many of them are   
wondering who he is, having forgotten since he levelled them to 100 so long ago.  
  
"Psyduck," Ash begins.  
  
"Yes? Ow..." all 4 of Ash's Psyducks reply, along with one of his Golducks who hasn't quite got with the program.  
  
"Just that Psyduck..."  
  
"But we're all named Psyduck...ow!!!" the Psyducks note.  
  
"Go fight that Pokemon!" Ash commands.  
  
"We have a headache..." they say collectively and hop back into their Pokeballs.  
  
"Hmmm...I need advice..." Ash decides, "Hey Lugia...what should I do?"  
  
"I dunno...FREE the legendary bird Pokemon perhaps..." Lugia has obviously been embittered by having to live with   
Ho-oh, Zapdos, Articuno, and Moltres in the giant bird cage, "You may be the chosen one...but I didn't choose this..."  
  
"That's because I choose YOU, you don't have to choose me!" Ash laughs.  
  
"Whatever. I'm not talking to you anymore." Lugia jumps back into his Pokeball.  
  
"This is weird...can all my Pokemon talk now?"  
  
"We could ALWAYS talk!" Entei, the other Mewtwo, and the Pokeball containing Lugia say. Team Rocket's Meowth would   
note that he could also talk if I hadn't been blown into the stratusphere along with the other Rockets at the beginning   
of this story. And besides, Team Rocket's Meowth is one of the few Pokemon Ash doesn't actually own.  
  
"It's my fault, I'm afraid," Number387 remarks, rather apologetically, "You see, have the power to allow other Pokemon   
to speak."  
  
"Oooo...what else?"  
  
"Erm...that's it."  
  
"That's it?! Man, they're not even trying anymore. Is it that hard to come up with another 100 or so Pokemon every   
couple years GameFreak? No cool powers left?"  
  
"Yes!" Ash's 42nd Goldeen, who is also a marketing manager for Nintendo, emphasizes.  
  
"Well, what I'd do, is I'd do Pokemon cross breeds. Like if you bred Pikachu with Eevee and then whipped the Baby   
Pokemon with a stick, you might get an evil Eevachu...like...Umbachu...or...Jigokuchu or something." Ash nearly salivates   
with the prospect of having NEW Pokemon to catch.  
  
"Or you could just neglect them even though they were your very FIRST Pokemon, but that doesn't matter because...'Oh...  
I'm Ash and I'm the Pokemon Master! Everyone build a temple and worship at my feet because I'm a Pokemon God!'" Even an   
oblivious Ash should be able to sense the bitterness and burning resentment coming from his Pikachu. Should be able, yes.  
But isn't.  
  
"Yeah, you could do that too." Ash concedes, "I don't think it'd be hard to come up with new Pokemon...that's all"  
  
"Fine...you do that...come up with new ones, and then catch them all and train them up to level 100 and make more and   
do the same until you run out of things to crossbreed them with and you have 25,100 different Pokemon and they're all   
level 100 and when no one can beat even your bellsprout/rattata hybrid maybe you'll realize you've done all there is to   
do with Pokemon and do something else! JEEEZ, Ash...you lost Misty for crying out loud." Pikachu has never been so   
vocal. (well, it has, it just sounds like, "Pika pika! Pikachu chuu! Pika chu!! CHU!!!! PIKA!!!")  
  
"Pikachu...you're right. I have been selfish. I'm going to release all my Pokemon and we'll be bestest friends   
again..." Ash gives Pikachu a spirited hug and is promptly electrocuted...  
  
"Wait just one single solitary second here, buddy..." Pikachu grumbles, "You think that makes up for all the years of   
neglect and anguish I've suffered while you beat everyone and caught every pokemon and trained everyone but me? You   
think that's all just something I can forget?"  
  
"Yes?" Ash says, with a hopeful smile, the internal burns quite serious.  
  
"Oh, ok! Just asking," and with that, Pikachu jumps onto Ash's chest and gives him a large hug, hopefully distracting   
him long enough for Lugia and the other legendary birds to get away. They do.  
  
But it's weird...that Mew with the Masterball chasing the Mewtwo never does come back. Almost makes you wonder whatever   
came of them.  
  
I guess that's another story.  
  
The End.  
  
End Notes:   
To all those reading A New Foe and Slayers Wars: I'm sorry. I'm trying to write it, I really am!  
To all those reading this now: Thank you! I can't wait for Pokemon Ruby and Sapphire. Unlike Ash, I haven't learned   
that there's more to life than levelling my guys...and I need new guys to level. I even have two level 100 Smeargles for   
crying out loud. 


End file.
